Bad Mommy

I know. I've been bad. I said I'd update more on my blog, but I haven't kept my word. I feel like there's nothing really worth taking pictures of because we're stuck inside everyday. Garrett doesn't go outside much because 1) he gets cold really quickly, and 2) I can't really bring Ellison outside with me for extended play time with Garrett. Anywho, here are some pics that have been taken in the last few weeks:

All dolled up. She even has an EB bow in her hair!

Since Ellison sleeps in a pack 'n play in the laundry room, Garrett feels its his duty upon waking to go check on Baby Ellison. Usually this is how I find him... IN the pack n' play WITH her! He says, "She's awake Momma! I was just talking to her."

Always such a delight.

She almost has my Grandma Berdinski's eyes, though Ellison's are just a little darker.

I love the teeth! I always think getting teeth is a bittersweet moment. I love the gummy smile, and then once the teeth start to fill in, I love to toothy smile too!

So not really anything new to update. Garrett is being a typical defiant 3 year old, and Ellison is being an angel (usually). I've already started Ellison's birthday project (thanks EB for the inspiration!) so look for a special blog treat on April 10th!

Catch up already!

Whew! So the holidays are finally over, and I haven't blogged since mid-November. Here's a quick catch-up post of what's been going on:

Garrett and Ellison absolutely love each other. She loves to watch him and laugh at his crazy antics, and he loves to hug and kiss on her, and make sure she doesn't put yucky stuff in her mouth. We were watching a movie one night and Ellison was playing on the floor. Garrett just wanted to cuddle with her. And of course she loved it! She was grinning the whole time!

Now that Ellison is sitting up on her own and crawling, it's easier to put her in the bathtub. Both enjoy it. And Garrett especially like showing her how to play with the bath toys.

Our gingerbread house Garrett and I made one day. We didn't end up eating it because I wanted to wait to eat it at Christmas, but by then everyone was sick and throwing up. Finally when everyone was better, it was really stale and hard. But Garrett had fun making it, and that's all that matters.

One of Garrett's new Christmas presents was "Rub-A-Dub Dub Shaving In The Tub" kit from Grandma Pat and Papoose Papa. He loves to shave like Daddy, so now he has his own berry scented shaving gel, and plastic razor to use in the bathtub.

"Make sure you get your neck."

Just ONE of Garrett's favorite new toys... the Matchbox Pirate Ship! Not only does it roll on the floor, but it floats in the bathtub! And the Octopus squirts water, too!

And the birthday present that I had been planning for 2 months!!! Garrett's own fish tank! It's hard to see in this picture, but there are two Mollies, two Angelfish, and a Placo. We couldn't find a dragon to go with the castle, so Doug substituted a T-Rex and Triceratops ;)

Garrett's 3rd Birthday cake, made by Daddy!

The holidays combined with fevers and colds just wore Ellison out. Doug put her in the exersaucer for a minute so he could use the bathroom, and this was how he found her when he came back out. Poor tired Baby Girl!

And what movie wouldn't be complete without the best seat in the house... a dump truck?!

Now that everyone starting to feel better and the holidays and parties are over, I'm hoping to get back into blogging more and taking more pictures. I'll have to be on my toes though, because Ellison is now pulling up on furniture! Soon she'll be walking and I definitely don't want to miss those first steps!

Krysia Dumpty

I'm 29 years old, married and have two kids. I work full time as a pharmacy technician. I'm also broken. If someone would've told me that at the age of sixteen I would go through a depression so deep that I would contemplate taking my own life every day, I would've said, "No, not me. I'm too strong willed. I've got plans for my life." But it happened. Twice in fact. Thankfully, I'm still standing here today, with my hubby and two beautiful children whom I absolutely adore.

For a while now, I've been a little overwhelmed. I thought that the stresses of having two kids, one whom is still breastfeeding and NOT sleeping through the night, in addition to my job and the financial concerns of sending my husband back to school full time, were starting to wear on me. I told my boss that I needed some vacation time; time to relax and do what I wanted to do. And I did just that.

Then the fatigue set in. I noticed that since I was out of the mandatory bustle of the pharmacy and I had the leisure to move at my own pace, I was extremely tired all day. I definitely wasn't getting a good nights sleep to start. Ellison is still waking up 2 times a night to feed and very cranky herself when the pipe isn't in her mouth. I'm waking up 6-10 times just to put her pipe back in! During the day all I want to do is sit and watch TV or read. I can only describe it as a general feeling of laziness.

My mood lately is a little off. I have a fairly constant feeling of being "down". No reason, just feel a bit blue. I feel no motivation to do anything, and the aspect of my life taking the brunt of that is attending bible study. I'm so sorry, my friends. But just the thought of going makes me want to burrow myself into my house as much as possible. I don't feel like doing ANYTHING that isn't absolutely necessary to my family life.

I've been going in circles trying to figure out what is wrong with me. At first, I thought it was a little of the baby blues, making a late appearance. Then, I thought it was the hormones. I thought that since my hormone levels are screwed up anyway, then to add breastfeeding on top of it, that my body was a little off and can't get back on track. And my most recent conclusion was... the weather. Lame, I know. But, with daylight savings time forcing darkness on us when we wake and go to sleep, and the mostly cloudy all day grayness that covers us all day, I thought for sure this would have been the problem. Well, it turns out that all three of these are contributing factors to an underlying problem.

I'm broken.

Depression was something that I was hoping to be done with. I feel so different than the last time that I thought, "No, it can't be. I'm not crying all day. I have no thoughts of suicide. I'm just not doing something right." I talked to my doctor's office today, and I'm going to meet with my doctor next week. I have a feeling I know what she's going to say, and that going on medication is going to be part of her solution.

At some point I think I need to accept that this may always be a part of who I am. I don't know why God is allowing me to go through this again. Part of me wants to turn my back in Him because I feel He's broken a promise to me. I know that there HAS to be a reason for this, but also that I may never know why. Right now, all I can do is be the best wife, mom, and pharmacy tech I can be until I'm completely healed and put back together again.

Happy Halloween!

Garrett has been obsessed with pirates for a while now. So I went online and found a pirate costume available at Target. I wish I would've tried it on sooner, because it was a little on the small side, especially when trying to layer clothes underneath. It worked out okay.

For some reason Garrett always does this cheesy smile.

At least he's smiling though!

Ellison was my little ladybug; a costume borrowed from one of my co-workers (thanks Pina!).

It was pretty cold. We took a little tour around the cul-de-sac, then brought Ellison home. Doug took Garrett out to a few more houses before Garrett was too cold to do any more damage on the candy supplies of the neighborhood.

Fall fun

Last year I got this cute picture of Garrett laying in the leaves.

He looks like I've always remembered him...

Until now. Now I see this little man emerging. I look at him and the babyness is almost gone. Very sad moment for Mommy.

However, I see the love and tenderness he has for his baby sister. She doesn't know it yet, but she's very lucky to have a big brother like him.

I hope he's always willing to look out for her, and help her learn and grow like he is right here.

Okay, so maybe I'm unrealistic in hoping I can always get great pics of the two of them together.

At least I'm always guaranteed great pics. I've got the cutest kids in the world!

Her smile is going to be devastating to any man when she's grown up... how terrifying!

Our Halloween pumpkins... Mine...

Garrett's and extra that Doug carved. Frankenstein actually turned out to be a good choice because this particular pumpkin had a tumor on its head that made for difficult carving.

Doug's cyclops pumpkin.

Swings and Smiles

One particularly unrainy day, I took the kids outside to get some fresh air. Although it was really brisk and borderline cold, we still enjoyed some time playing outside. Garrett was so excited to go on the big boy swing. He's got one of the cheesiest fake smiles I've ever seen!


Ellison can now sit up on her own. She did really well sitting by herself watching me push Garrett on the swing. She only toppled over a couple times, and even found some interesting things to play with (grass, sticks, but thankfully not poop!). And I have to say that she is the most adorable little girl EVER! I love how blue her eyes look in this outfit!

Delightful girl, precious smile

And Doug?... Well let's just say that he feels the need to initiate ALL our children this way. I don't know why... it's not really funny... and yes, her pants are on her head.

Ellison also started "solids" this week. Although nothing she's received so far could be classified as "solid". It was so soupy the first time she could have drank it through a bottle! Here's a video of her first feeding (warning- its a little long because I forgot to edit it). If you listen real well, you can hear all the "kissy" noises she makes!

Update...

Things have been... going. I feel like I've been running around like crazy, but not really accomplishing anything. The kids, on the other hand, are growing and learning everyday, with tangible results.

My little girl looks SO grown up!

And her smile is just so precious to me


Hmmm... let me think.

I LOVE this look on her face! It just make me wanna cry.

Garrett so abnormally engrossed in the TV... ;)

Ellison loves her big brother, and Garrett loves when she wants to touch him.

Goofy boy!

So how many rolls can you count? Doug's new nickname for her is "The Michelin Baby"

Again, with that smile!

A few weeks ago, Doug bought training wheels for Garrett's big boy bike, and attached them to see if he was ready for it. The bike is still a little on the big side, but workable. Garrett was so excited to be riding his big boy bike, and I'm fairly certain that his smile reflects it.

*Warning- it was pretty windy during the taping, so make sure your volume is low*

Garrett is still infantile in the fact that when he can't see someone, they're gone, and they can't see him either. He LOVES to hide, but hasn't gotten the idea of getting out of other people's sight to be effective.