The Eternal Name

So, next week Wednesday is my 20 week ultrasound... and the day we find out if it's a boy or a girl. I recently wrote that I really wanted a boy and got very defensive for all the people I KNEW were thinking that I was a horrible person for wanting one sex over the other. But now I find myself wanting a girl, too (though I'm still sure it's a boy).

Mostly I feel very sad for the reason I want a girl. Doug's Grandma DeGraaf has Alzheimer's, and has very recently rapidly declined. I've always known her to be blissfully unaware, but HAPPY. Now, she's crying a lot and emotionally very unstable. Doug's grandpa promised her at the beginning of all this that he would never put her in a nursing home. But he can't take care of an 80 year old woman by himself. And so the decision was made that it was the best thing for her to be taken care of by others in a nursing home.

Doug is taking this pretty hard. ALL of his grandparents are still alive. And I know it's going to be hard on him when she passes. When he told me the news of his grandma, he agreed to the name I was considering for a girl, as long as her middle name was Marjorie (his grandma's first name-debate is still going about spelling).

Even though she's not my grandma... even if we never use the first name I was considering... even though I would never have otherwise chosen the middle name to be Marjorie , it feels RIGHT. And if Grandma doesn't make it to see this little child, I hope that there is always this familiar spark in him/her that makes us stop and smile for reasons we can't begin to understand.

Roller coaster of hormones...

I know its typical to cry at the drop of a hat when you're pregnant. I cried watching the movie Elf in the middle of summer when I was pregnant with Garrett. But lately it feels like so much more. I feel lonely, huge, and dumb. Before everyone gets too confused, let me explain.

Doug and I aren't connected lately. He's busy, I'm busy, and then I'm tired. I'm growing at a faster rate then I did with Garrett. In no time flat I was in maternity clothes, after I lost 10 pounds before pregnancy. Believe me, those compliments aren't there anymore, and if they are, they're falling on deaf ears because I just don't believe them. I'm too huge! And not only am I forgetting things, names, and confusing my son with my cat, I feel like I cannot contribute intellectually in a conversation. I read other's blogs, and the content in them is absolutely amazing. The thought processes are crystal clear and the points being made are points worth taking.

I just don't feel like me. I don't want anyone to think "boo-hoo for Krysia", because this is not a pity party. Just someone please tell me that I am COMPLETELY hormonal and that its all in my head. That way I have some hope for post-pregnancy...

Happy Halloween!

Garrett the ferocious penguin ("Boo!")

Garrett and I pausing to pose for a quick pic while Trick-Or-Treating

Going to get more "nanny" (candy)

We didn't go far on our adventure for candy, just around the cul-de-sac to our neighbors. Believe me, even the 5 pieces of candy he did get is too much for my candy-sensitive boy!

Pumpkin Carving

On Sunday, Doug and I decided to carve our pumpkins to get ready for Halloween. Garrett wanted to help, but since he's too young to wield a knife responsibly, we put him in his highchair to color while we worked. As you can see, not only did he get the marker on the paper, but on the tray as well. Then, Garrett starts saying, "Hair, hair." And I look up and he has the marker on his head.

Yup, he colored his hair. Sorry Nana.

After we got his pumpkin carved, he really enjoyed playing with the top, taking it on and off. HIS "putt-in" (pumpkin) was his favorite.

Big cheesy smile!

Daddy carving his pumpkin...

"Off!"

Smells good, huh?

Daddy's pumpkin...

Mommy and Daddy's pumpkins...

Mommy, Daddy, and Garrett's pumpkins...

Mommy, Daddy, Garrett, and Baby's pumpkins!

Boo!

Fun Fall Day

Thursday afternoon, after Garrett's nap, we decided to have some fun time outside before Doug came home from school. It wasn't TOO cold out, but Garrett wanted to wear his hat at mittens too.

Of course the lawnmower had to be played with. We walked up and down the sidewalk for about 10-15 minutes, then went around the cul-de-sac. We ended up mowing the neighbor's lawn.

After playing with the lawnmower, we played in the leaves that were piling up along the curb. I made a pile in the grass and he laid in it. Looks so peaceful, huh?

After Doug got home we went to Post Family Farms to get some pumpkins. There was this kitten that fell in love with Garrett and vice-versa. Here's Garrett giving the kitten a hug.

And pointing out that kitty has a tail...

This cat was cool. It kept sitting on the pumpkins and posing by them. Too bad it wasn't my cat I was taking pics of!

Garrett and the pumpkins...

Here's a cute (but wild) video of him running through the leaves on the curb. He thought it was so fun to kick the leaves all over!

Remember the obsession with the vacuum?

Here's the updated version. The lawnmower.

Too stinkin' cute!

Are we or aren't we?

That seems to be the question of late.



"Are you going to find out the sex of the baby?"



Well, I would like to. Last time, I actually was content to wait, like Doug wanted. Although I did want to know, I thought it would be a fun surprise. So we waited... and waited and waited. Now, I find that I'm actually hoping for one sex over the other. And for all you booing me at the moment, you know that when you say "all I want is a healthy baby", although it's ALWAYS true, that's never the answer to the question.



That being said, I would love for Garrett to have a little brother. Of course I would love a little girl too. But there's something about knowing Garrett might have a best bud and constant playmate that makes me melty inside. I never had a sister, and my brother never had a brother. My ideal family is NOT one boy and one girl. Since my relationship with my brother is virtually nonexistant, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot. I also hope that if this baby is a girl, that she and Garrett will be close, like David and I once was.

I think that because of this, I want to know. That way I can try to be as prepared as possible for whatever may come.