Crazy Days

WARNING: No pics in this update, just a lot of complaining.

With that said, for those of you that are still reading this, the last week has been very draining- emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I've been having some trouble staying focused on just doing my job. It seems that all the bullsh** politics that are happening at corporate are slowly trickling down into my little home at work. There's a new head honcho in corporate that is taking it upon herself to change EVERYTHING she can, just because she can. These changes are not discussed with anyone that it directly affects, and these changes are not necessarily for the better. It's causing a lot of rifts at work, and my work environment is no longer a fun one. Some days its okay, but for the most part, we're hearing of new changes every day, making me dread each and every day that I'm there. Most recently, my boss approached me about having to change my work schedule. I specifically don't work on Wednesdays because I don't have child care. Now I have to, and basically my kids are SOL and have to stay with just anyone, according to my boss. Sorry, but my kids are my number one priority. (Okay, technically they should be number three- God, Doug, kids... but they are definitely over my job). The rough part is that I HAVE to keep my job until Doug graduates nursing school and gets a job. If I lose my job, Doug loses insurance, and we canNOT afford his meds without it. Luckily I have it worked out with my fabulous mother-in-law to watch them 2 Wednesdays a month. I'm just praying for enough strength to continue to take whatever they dish out for 2&1/2 more years... then I can relax a bit and not have to carry this burden on my shoulders.

Garrett has been very sick the last few days... the LONGEST few days of my life. He started with diarrhea on Tuesday, had diarrhea and vomiting on Wednesday and Thursday, and still vomiting as of 1:30 this morning. I've been home with him through all of this. I've never done so much laundry in this short of time in all my life. He's slowly starting to feel better, and I'm hoping he's done with this soon, and no one else gets it in our house. So far, Ellison is doing fine, but she could start it up at any moment. I think I might have to crawl into a hole and cry for a few days until it's over if she gets sick too.

I've also been concerned about her eating. She's still breastfeeding, but lately she's not feeding as long each time. She gets distracted so easily and won't finish. I've noticed a small decrease in my milk supply, which always concerns me. And now, she's taken to biting. Luckily she doesn't have any teeth...yet. I think that's why she's biting; I think she's got some teeth that are pushing their way through and the pressure of biting my nipple must feel good. Yes, ouch is right. But the big bummer for me is that I started my period this week. When I first started, I was very mad. Then I was really sad about it. It's really hard to explain why, but I felt like something important had just ended. I really felt like my body was trying to tell me that I can't breastfeed anymore because I just started my period. I realize how irrational this is, and that I CAN breastfeed after I've gotten my period back... but it was just a huge feeling of loss that I can't explain. I talked to my friend EB about it and she did make me feel a little better by explaining that most women start their period around this time after having a baby, and you most certainly can still breastfeed as long as was your original intent. But it still doesn't help this little bit of sadness I feel. I mean, really... who's going to get excited about maxi pads, tampons, cramps, and bloating?! Oh well. At least I can still breastfeed, right?

On top of all THIS, is extreme exhaustion. I haven't had a good nights sleep since the weekend. With Garrett waking up at night and barfing, laundry and cleaning all day, juggling a baby who wants to be held with a sick toddler who wants to be held, not to mention having to carry two kids out of the doctors office by myself (thanks ANY kind stranger for bothering to help me- sarcasm), Ellison still eating twice a night, then work shifts earlier this week and physical therapy, I feel like I could pass out at any moment. I did actually fall asleep in the chair while Garrett was watching TV this morning. This fatigue is something I've felt before, when the kids were first born. But when everything happens out of the blue, my body has a hard time adjusting. "Calgon, take me away!" Oh, how I wish...

Overall, everything is going okay. I guess I can't handle it all the way I used to is because of rampant PMS. That's the way I'm trying to look at it...