To do or not to do...

I have a idea tumbling around in my brain and I can't come to a decision. True, I've only been thinking about this for 1 night, but I can't stop contemplating this as a possibility. Before anyone gets too excited to find out what the heck I'm talking about, I'm not going to explain unless I make the decision to do it. I want to make this decision on my own, with no outside influence. I have to do this for the right reasons or its not going to work. This could be a big change for me, but this would first require that I change the way I think, which is harder than the task itself.

Why is it always harder to change how you THINK about something, than to do the actual thing? How does anyone go about doing it anyway? How do you hold yourself accountable for when you stumble or fall? And to get back up on that horse after you've fallen is harder yet. All these fears are standing in my way. Worse yet, so is failure. Not that any of my family or friends would consider me a failure if I couldn't do it. They would say good effort, at least you tried, etc. But I would consider me a failure. I would know every time I did something similar that I failed at this before and would feel even worse about myself. And the whole point of doing this in the first place is to change this thought process so that I feel BETTER about myself.

Aaaaagh. I can literally do this. My body can do everything that would be asked of me. But my mind is the weak link. My mind would be the one to say, "Um, I'm too tired", or "You can do it later". And then later never comes. Then I'd think, well just start again tomorrow. But tomorrow it gets easier to say no.

Now that I've got my initial thoughts and fears out there, maybe it'll clear the way to a decision. I definitely don't have a time limit on this. This is just something personal that I could choose to do or not to to do. Wish me luck!